An Akatsuki Christmas
by Shashuko the Paisley Maiden
Summary: Sequel to Akatsuki Thanksgiving so you might wanna read that first. It's Christmas at the hideout! Watch as little brothers are tortured and Konan gets chased by a shirtless Deidara.


"Kakuzu!" Konan roared, pointing above her head. "Put this mistletoe down RIGHT NOW!"

Kakuzu glared. "No. Have you any idea the lengths I went to, the money I spent, to find this stuff in a region where IT DOESN'T SNOW?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!?" The blue haired woman shrieked. "I have worked _so _hard to put this party together! You have _no idea _how _grating _Christmas can be on the lady of the houses' psyche! And THIS DAMN PLANT DOESN'T MATCH THE REST OF THE DECORUM!"

Deidara coughed. "At any rate, Konan, un... about the mistletoe... you're standing under it."

There silence in the room. Everybody except Pein (who as out Christmas shopping), being male, stared evilly at her.

Deidara pulled of the green fuzzy gloves her was wearing, followed by his shirt. "I'll get her this time, un!" said all four of his mouths at once.

The entire Akatsuki (sans Pein) all charged at Konan.

"HEEELLLLP MEEEEEEEEE!" Konan screeched, running for the door.

She bumped right into Pein as he walked in, carrying shopping bags full of food.

"Help me!" she said again, grabbng his shirt and crashed her lips down on his.

"What with?" Pein asked, smirking.

"Thank you," Konan said, and kissed him again.

"Ummm..." said a voice behind them. "Could you two move...? Take a breather...? You're blocking the door and I'd like to decapitate my brother here."

Itachi looked up in shock. "You're...!"

The person nodded. "Good evening, Itachi."

Itachi smirked at the person. "Hidako." (HA! thought all it was Sasuke, didn't you?)

A decapitated head with a long, blonde ponytail sailed past Pein and Konan to impale Hidan with the spiked helmet it was wearing.

Hidan moaned. "Must you do that every Christmas?"

The older of the two siblings giggled. "It's how I show my love for you, Otouto! By impaling you with things! Now, if someone could please give my body my head?"

Kakuzu ran grabbed Hidako's head before Itachi could and sewed it back onto her body.

"Wow, that hurts..." Hidako giggled gleefully.

The entire Akatsuki (plus Hidako) sat around the dinner table.

Pein tapped his fork against his water glass. "Excuse me, everybody! The first annual Akatsuki Christmas party has officially begun!"

Everybody (except Hidan, who was sulking) cheered at this.

"Speech! Speech!" Kisame, Deidara, and Hidako all chanted simultaneously.

Pein looked down. "Is anyone going to give a speech?"

Everybody looked at Pein.

"You're the leader," Konan pointed out.

Pein took a deep breath. "Errr..."

"Out with it!" Sasori said. "The food's getting cold!"

"Sasori-danna, you're a puppet," Deidara pointed out. "You don't need to eat."

Sasori glared at his partner. "I have a human heart, and it needs vitamins and minerals just like yours does. In addition, as I've said many times before, I _hate_ waiting... Leader-sama, say your speech."

_"Your speech!" _Pein squeaked. "There, I said it! Here's I'll say it again: 'Your Speech!' Since I'm no good at public speaking, let's eat!" he sat hastily back down. "Someone please say grace now?"

Hidako and Hidan both smirked, then both clapped their hand togather and bowed their heads.

"Oh, Jashin-sama, who art the most powerful and great..." Hidan droned. "Grant us this food, that it will lend us some of thy might."

Hidako spoke. "Make our men strong and our women stronger."

"So they can reap the feilds while their brothers, fathers, and husbands, reap souls. For that is their place," Hidan added, glaring.

"Unless, of course, they are stronger and awesomer than their brothers, in which case make them stronger than is usually possible!" Hidako almost yelled.

**"OH JASHIN-SAMA, FORGIVE THESE TWO OF YOUR CHILDREN, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THE **_**HELL**_** THEY'RE DOING, ARGUING IN THEIR PRAYER TO YOU. BLESS THIS FOOD, THAT WE MAY PLEASE YOU WITH THE DEATHS ON OUR NAME. **_**AMEN," **_Konan said loudly, very annoyed with the blonde siblings.

"Amen," everybody said hurriedly.

"Konan?!?" Hidako and Hidan yelled in unison.

The blue-haired girl nodded. "I may not follow the same (extremist) sect as you two, but I also worship Jashin. Can we eat now?"

"YESSS!" Both sides of Zetsu said at the same time, shoving their face into their portion of Christmas goose, sending peices of meat everywhere.

Everyone else stared at Zetsu for a minute, then copied him.

"Wow, Konan!" Deidara burped. "That was good, un! Even better than the food at Thanksgiving."

"Speaking of which," Sasori noted, "Whatever happened to that tape?"

"I still have it," Itachi offered.

Hidako's head tilted to the side. "What tape?"

Hidan paled, and Kakuzu smirked.

"Before you were here, un..." Deidara said slowly, to build tension, "Hidan and Kakuzu had a food fight, so Leader-san sent them both outside. They started fighting in very... interesting ways. And so... we watch the surveillance camera recordings from that day for laughs, un? That's pretty much how it works..."

Hidako smirked. "Interesting... ways?"

Kakuzu grinned in a self-satisfying manner. "Since I won that fight, I'd like to think so."

"But I don't think Hidako should see that tape," Hidan remarked. "She's a lady after all."

Konan smiled sweetly at Hidan. "But you let me watch it... do you not think I am a lady?"

Hidan shrugged. "You were there when it happened, so..."

Konan stabbed Hidan with the carving knife.

Pein glared. "You know the rules, you two. OUTSIDE!"

The two angry people went into the hallway. There was aloud smacking sound, and Konan skipped back in, humming to herself. Hidan did not follow her.

"OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEEEEEEEEEEIGH!" Everybody sang.

"Can we please stop (censored) singing?" Hidan complained. "My throat is (cens--)"

Hidako decapitated her brother.

"Thank you, Hidako," chorused everybody else.

"I CAN (censored) STILL TALK YOU LITTL---" Kakuzu grabbed Hidan's head and walked away with it, humming some really, really old song to himself, with his hand over Hidan's mouth.

Hidako smirked. "Brother torture is the one thing that makes me not regret my immortality."

"My brother next?" Itachi suggested.

"Hmmm..." Hidako giggled. "I like your thinking."

"STOP THAT!!!" Sasuke screamed.

Hidako and Itachi grinned and shook their heads, then continued singing the Sailor Moon theme song over and over again...

(which had Naruto references! check out the words in bold:)

Gomen ne **suna**o ja nakute

Yume no naka **nara** ieru

Shikou kairo wa shotto sunzen

Ima sugu aitai yo

Nakitaku naru you na MOONLIGHT

Denwa mo dekinai MIDNIGHT

Datte junjou do shiyou

Hatto wa **mangekyou**

(aka)**Tsuki** no hikari ni m**ichibi**kare

Nando mo meguriau

Seiza no matataki kazoe

Uranau koi no yukue

Onaji **kuni **ni umareta no

Mirakuru romansu

Shinjitte iru no

Mirakuru romansu!

"MY EEEEEEAAAAAARS!!!" Sasuke screamed. Hidako and Itachi high-fived.


End file.
